aqumada

By Choma

Back from self-imposed exile, the Choma-man is back in effect. A few weekends ago I was lucky enough to help Wegesha move to the Midwest (Buckeyes in the House). What a trip and what an ending!

While I'd like to focus upon my eventful return, I must disclose that my kind gesture towards Wegesha arose not of just a kind heart but also the possibility of a 4-deep road trip that would have included 3 horny, no-game-guys and one beautiful (lucky) female as recipient of our advances. However by game time, the female came to her senses-  imagine a 9 hr drive with yekolotemari, wegesha and choma. Can there be such a collection of men within 100ft of a woman without violating a restraining order or a decency law? And then yekolotemari became "sick." Hey, yekolo, I got your fever right here!

Rather than bore you with details about the exits we took or the buffed ferenjoch in Columbus, OH (Wegesha, let's see you steal from those huge, muscular . . . women) or even the wedding we attended in Indianapolis (if you guessed Wegesha and I did not score I now blame your negative energy). Instead, I want to talk in generalities about the Midwest and the drive back.

The Mighty Midwest is a surreal place for someone who grew up on the East Coast. First, there are the geography and climate issues: it lacks a major body of water and it's hot, humid, and flat as far as the eyes can see. What do abesha people do for variation when they go running-my bad ladies, I forgot this was yekolotemarai's blog-where do abesha people go to gossip? Everything looks the same; the people are built the same. In a way I would love to be the black dot that messes up the homogeneity. Second, shopping is much better. It is wayyyyyyyyy cheaper there than NYC or DC and they still have a nice selection. Wegesha's 1 bedroom crib with a patio, 2 huge walk-in closets, and access to both a 24hr gym and 2 pools cost less about 1/3 of a small studio in midtown Manhattan, or a 1 bedroom at the Ellington. Going out for injera & wot cost 1/3 the price it would in NYC. Plus there are these megastores that have crazy hours. Maybe it's ‘cause I was in a college town, but it was great nonetheless. Third, the people are not as friendly as I thought they'd be. I was worried about having to tone down my NYC brashness but they aren't particularly friendly. People did say hello but it was probably to slow me down so they could familiarize themselves with my face in case I tried to rob them.

Driving back was painful but not because the drive itself was bad. In one day, I drove through 5 states (Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania but because I had underestimated the drive). I was talking to my big-headed friend, debo, on the phone. He was worried about my drive. I had assured him I was ½ way home when I reached West Virginia. First, WVa is beautiful---full of strikingly green valleys that end too soon. Second, I was at best only ¼ of the way home. Since I thought I was so close, I was pounding soda and coffee like a caffeine-ho. I tested my bladder and failed. Twice! Among the thoughts and scenes that I encountered were:

• Roadkill every 5-10 miles. You would think Bambi would have learned from his mother. Stupid deer.
• Signs advising of falling rocks (you think they would have detoured us)
• Everyone drives >85mph when headed to the East Coast. Driving towards the Midwest I don't remember others traveling as fast; I think people were in a hurry to get home. I know I was.
• I can pee for more than 1 minute straight. I timed it (1min4sec).
• Minivans have GREAT steering. I was turning on dimes-and reducing Wegesha's lifespan by 5 years in the process.

All the East Coast lovers and skeptics might say: "Brilliant Choma, you are a better man than me. Please have relations with my sister/girlfriend." Or more likely, "I heard they are racist out there." Though both Indiana and Ohio helped G. Bush keep his job, ironically, the most blatant evidence of racism I experienced occurred on a train in Newark New Jersey, just a short train ride from the most self-proclaimed great City ever. As our train pulled into the Newark Airport Train station, the conductor announced that the train would be delayed due to "police activity." Instead of keeping the doors shut until the situation was resolved or bypass the station altogether, he opened the door. Brilliant! About 10 seconds later, 3 jersey cops rushed on board. One cop's walkie-talkie blared: "Suspect is male, black or white." The cops went through every car 3 times. With each pass, they increased in number. The passengers were helpless hostages as the cops pursued their ambiguous suspect. I was just mad that my journey which had begun at 8:30 that morning was going to drag past midnight. Just then a tall black man slowly stepped on board with the lid of his oversized cap tipped over his eyes. He was on his cell phone casually talking. A burly white cop saw him get on board, asked him what he was doing on the train and before the gentleman could answer he was being searched and whisked off the train simultaneously. The cops got back on the train and when the accosted man asked why he was being searched, the cops responded: "I can't answer that right now." While his constitutional rights were being flaunted to his face, I thought about how much my last date in NY cost ($62). You pay a premium in NY for convenience, cramped condos, and culture. But after experiencing the same amenities for far less, I wonder if we realize we pay for the right to be seen as corrupt or criminals, or just clueless.